And While We’re There… (September/October 2009)
By September, things were totally ‘on course’ for Italy and the only things we had yet to decide on were what tours to take while in Florence, and what airlines and flight number we would have. Little things like getting train tickets to Florence or to the airport, finding places to stay when we got to Rome and to Florence didn’t seem like a problem anymore since we had Fernando and the Calzaiuoli apartment. Heck, I thought, let’s ‘go for broke’ and try a third week, rent a car and stay in a little agriturismo somewhere in Tuscany so I could paint.
After reading the press advances on Michael Tucker’s new book, “Family Meals”, I felt bold enough to write him again and tell him we we’re going to be in the neighbor, figuratively, the following June. To my surprise, he responded in only days this time.
Hi David and Marianne,
Actually, one of the themes of the new book is our attempt to give Jill's mom a good last chapter without sacrificing our lives in the process. Not always easy but I think we show it can be done.
Have fun at Lake Trasimeno. Stay in touch.
Mike
The theme of giving your parents a ‘good last chapter’ has rung so true with me and Marianne. We have lost all our parents. Both our dads passed in 2001. My dad, CR, had a long bout with cancer. My brothers and I took turns caring for him, although it took me a day to get there. He never made it to 9-11. Marianne’s father, John, did; it was his birthday. He was so angry that “they did that” on his birthday, I think it lead to his death. Her father lived with us for five years. In his nineties, John required a lot of care, and eventually had to be moved into an assisted living facility. He fell out of bed one day, breaking his pelvis, and never recovered. We came and saw him in the hospital when he died. He looked so surprised, eyes wide in wonder at what would happen next. In 2007, my mother was dropped while assistants were getting her into bed at her care facility. The fall shattered her right femur and sent blood clots through her body. She died three days later.
I could tell that Michael Tucker was dealing with the same life issues we were, but I don’t think that he knew what he was actually saying when he wrote ‘stay in touch’. Me? The OCD guy? I didn’t think that was going to be appropriate for me to keep sending him emails and updates. Marianne cautioned me to keep it ‘low-key’ and “don’t scare the guy”. I dropped the idea of responding to his email and thought I might send him another after I read his book. Good plan.
Through what I consider a ‘fluke’, I got a copy of Tucker’s newest book, “Family Meals” from Amazon in mid-October, even though its release date was set for November. I devoured the book in four days. When you are sitting around waiting for your next pain med’s, you have some extra reading time. I had another bout with my Achilles tendon and was put in a walking boot, which in-turn irritated and inflamed the bursa around my right hip. I literally couldn’t sleep for a week.
The book was great. I started out hoping that there would be just a whole lot about Umbria, but it took on this totally different direction. He got into the ‘nitty-gritty’ of what all of us ‘baby-boomers’ have been dreading: the aging and, inevitable, death of our parents. He tied it in with theatre, which is always a ‘draw’ for me and Marianne. Marianne found it to be a bit ego-centered on Tucker’s part. She said, “It seemed to all about him, how it affected him, and not the family and Jill’s mother.”
Of course, I had to let him know, via email, Sunday afternoon, what I thought:
Mr. Tucker, Mr. Tucker:
Thank you. "Family Meals" is a feast. Sharing ones personal life can be tough, but you handle it with such wisdom, passion, and wit. It is your best book yet. Your writing has reached another level. I got the book Wed. and finished it on Saturday -- a record for me. I must admit that all I wanted was more tastes and smells of Italy, but you gave us real life. Grazie.
Although both our parents are passed, I relate completely with your family dealings with Jill's mother, Lora. We love her very much, by the way (watch out for the left hook!). Ending your book with waiting in the wings to go on stage resonates deeply in both our lives, even though we are amateur theatre, we still know "where you both are". We have been involved with several productions of Gurney's "Love Letters" and it is in our hearts. What I got from the book was the change in your family dynamic. In “Living in a Foreign Language” you were a couple with cameo appearances by you kids. Now you are now a ‘nuclear’ family. So Italian.
David and Marianne Jones
His response followed the next morning.
Dear David and Marianne,
Thank you so much. You are my first review! I'm so pleased with your response to the book - you made our morning.
Mike
Prego.
